Being Black and gay is hard.

For those who haven't been able to discern just yet, I'm Black. Throughout my adult life, I have never felt quite comfortable as a gay Black man and there are six main reasons why.

Reason 1: The myth.
You've all heard it. "Once you go Black, you never go back". And the reason you never go back is because we Black men are apparently so red-hot, passionate, well-endowed dynamos in bed that put any other ethnicity to shame. I hate to break it to you, but we Black guys have just as many chances of being tiny and awful in bed as any other race does. I'm quite average in bed, in spite of my above average endowment (wink, wink). I simply refuse to be thought of this way. I'm a person with thoughts, emotions, and feelings. I will not be someone's big, Black Mandingo fantasy.

Reason 2: The fetish.
This ties in a lot with Reason 1, but differed enough to stand on its own. In my dating life, especially recently, I've come across a lot of guys who express interest in me for no reason other than me being Black. They may not even be all that attracted to me, but their desire to create a "chocolate/vanilla swirl" makes them chase any Black man they see. And yes, someone actually used that line on me once, if you're wondering. Race fetishizing, to me, is an unfair practice. Whether it be for Black men, Asian women, or anyone. Get to know the person inside.

Reason 3: The white guilt.
Slavery happened. The Civil Rights Movement happened. The NAACP happened. We know these things. However, I as a Black man do not cling to these things. They are in the past. It's okay to feel sad and sorrowful about what happened to people in the past, but let it go. I am speaking to the White men (and people in general) who feel as though they MUST be in love with a Black person in order to make up for what happened to Black people in the past. You don't honor us by deferring to us.

Reason 4: The media.
When it was running, Queer As Folk was one of my favorite shows. But the lack of non-White characters always bothered me. Then Noah's Arc happened and the lack of non-Black characters always bothered me. Basically, what I'm getting at is that I feel like gay Black men aren't really present in gay media except to be an object or desire (see Reasons 1 and 2) or if it's a Black-only gay show or movie. Turn on any gay movie or show, visit any gay website...point proven. Black people and White people CAN coexist, people. It happens every day.

Reason 5: The racism.
Some gay men, if you can believe it, are just plain racist. A lot of people seem to think that if a person is gay, they are somehow immune to harboring any kind of prejudice. This notion is laughable. Gay people are just as capable of being racist as anyone.

Reason 6: The stereotype.
A lot of people won't date a certain group of people based on preconceived notions, and this ties into Reason 5 a lot. I won't go into what those stereotypes are, because we all know them. But a stereotype is just that. A stereotype.

Basically, to reiterate my first point, I've never felt 100% comfortable being gay and Black. The things I've listed, however, are progressing slowly. Hopefully in time, I won't have to post blogs like this anymore.