I've been diagnosed with depression three times in my life. At 13, 19, and 23. It's a problem that has affected my daily life for years, sometimes more than others. The reason I'm writing this particular post today is because there seem to be those people who can't seem to distinguish two very different concepts: being depressed and having depression. Sounds like I'm splitting hairs, right? Well, maybe I am. In any case, those two concepts have two very different meanings to me and I will speak to them as they pertain to my life.My particular brand of depression seems to be characterized by a fairly normal day-to-day life, peppered with bouts of extreme sadness that come out of nowhere. Times when the mere thought of getting out of bed seems like taking on the world and everything I love seems pointless. Nothing necessarily happens to make me feel that way, but anything negative that I feel is seemingly multiplied by fifty. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to go anywhere. I don't eat (or overeat...it depends). I don't look at myself in the mirror. I can't sleep. I call these "funks". Sometimes, they only last a day. Sometimes a week. Once (and I counted), I had a funk last for 78 days.
One of the worst questions you could ever ask me is, "Have you ever tried not being depressed?" Don't you think that if I had a choice between being depressed and not being depressed, I would choose the latter? I'm not a doctor, and I haven't extensively researched the topic of depression. However, I have noted in my own life that there seems to be two kinds. I call them incidental depression (or "being depressed") and mental depression (or "having depression").
My definition of incidental depression is when something happens to depress you. This could be a number of things: a death in the family, the ending of a relationship, losing a job, things like that. These things are understandably depressing. Incidental depression can indeed be long lasting, but for the most part, they are things that can be healed with time. Hence, "being depressed".
My definition of mental depression is when you're just blue for no particular reason at all, such as when I get into one of my funks. I'm currently in a funk as I write this. There are people who know me and my think they know what's causing my funk, but the fact of the matter is, nothing caused it. It happens. With mental depression, there's really nothing I can do but wait it out (you could always medicate, but I'm not big on that). It comes and goes as it pleases and I just have to be along for the ride. Some people call this clinical depression, and seek medical attention because of it. It's an actual mental disorder, not really caused by any one event. Hence, "having depression".
To sum up:
Incidental depression: something happened to make you sad.
Mental depression: you're sad for no reason.
Life is a never-ending battle. We all have our own individual problems that we face every day. But for those of us who suffer from depression, it's a little harder. Whether it's mental depression or incidental depression, these aren't feelings that people choose. No one wakes up in the morning and says, "Gee! I'd sure like to be depressed today!" So my advice to anyone would be this: instead of asking people if they've ever tried not being depressed, and instead of simply telling people to get over it, be supportive. Offer them a listening ear. Offer them advice. Tell them to see a doctor. Anything other than brushing it off or trivializing their feelings. And if they're difficult about it, give them their space.
It's that easy.
That one gay loser,
-Brian
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