"A weekend love is all it was. Nothing serious because we're playing games. We're only young. Get with it. It was just a weekend love." - The Spice Girls, "Weekend Love" (Forever, 2000)
Whether it was purposely or by accident, there are a great
many of us who have been involved in that touchy situation known as “friends
with benefits”. The advice contained here is for those who have never experienced
it, are curious about it, or want to know how to survive it. My first piece of advice for you is
this: you had better have one damn thick skin. You could wind up very, very
hurt.
First, a personal anecdote. Recently, I became involved in a friends with
benefits situation. It all seemed to be going quite swimmingly. That is, until
I did the unthinkable and caught feelings. Not only did I do that, but I got
stupid and told the person how I felt. First, things got sensationally awkward.
Then the contact stopped (no calls, no texts, no emails, nothing). I haven’t
heard from him in weeks. Below, I've written up a list of three rules that can help
you survive a situation like this if you’re brave enough to attempt it.
Rule 1: Never use the words "like" or "love". Even if you feel them.
The final nail in my situation's coffin was when I told him, "I haven't been this into somebody in a really long time." Contact ceased 100 percent after that. A friends with benefits situation is meant to be casual, with no intentions or promises of commitment or exclusive attachment. But hey. We're only human. There are some of us who will catch those feelings and want to voice them. This can make your FWB situation very awkward or even end it, like in my case. If you feel these things, it's up to you whether or not you want to carry on the relationship (and I use that term loosely). You can tough it out, or you can spare yourself the headache. There is a chance that the other person feels the same way about you, but it's best not to even cross that road unless you're sure.
Rule 2: Don't overdo cuddling.
If you're like me, you know the absolute joy of cuddling up on a rainy day, watching a movie, stroking each other's hair, all that ooey-gooey rom-com stuff. In my opinion, though, that's something couples do. And while you and your FWB may be more intimate than simple friends, you're not a couple. Speaking from experience, overdoing the cuddling can take you to a place emotionally where you maybe be apt to break Rule 1. It can be so nice that it can be the cause of your developing feelings for the other person. Keep it light. Keep it casual. Don't delve too deep.
Rule 3: Just. Don't. Do. It.
If you want my honest opinion, the idea of having a friend with benefits is overrated and emotionally dangerous. Humans are emotional creatures. This is no secret. However, there are those select few who are able to "turn it on and off". I can tell you right now that I'm not one of them. Once I've become attached to someone through physical intimacy and time spent together, once I feel that chemistry, once I know in my heart and mind that I'm into someone, I can't shake it. It's there. And if those feelings aren't returned, it feels like the wind's been knocked out of you. I'll admit to shedding a tear or two (or several more than that) regarding the situation of mine that just recently ended. But I'm wiser for it. From now on, I will do my best to reserve my feelings for someone who will be able to return them. If you're more relationship-minded, a friends with benefits situation will leave you unfulfilled and sad. So just don't even do it. Your efforts are better spent on someone who will truly like and/or love you.
What do you think? Have you ever been in a situation like this? Are you now? How did you handle things? Leave me a comment and tell me all about it.
Until next time.
That one gay loser,
Brian
